“Last evening was terrible. My mother and my wife had an argument and I didn’t know whom to side. Both seemed right!” worried a friend of mine. The problem was simple. His mom wanted her to cook a full meal in the morning itself so that they could use it for lunch. His wife was habituated to cook a full meal in the night after returning from office. “”It’s inconvenient in the morning to cook in a hurry burry” she says. “How would tiffin be just enough for lunch?” my mom asks” said he in a lower tone.
“My manager doesn’t seem to understand me. He forcefully asks me to work on a different domain that I’m not interested. He does this on purpose to bring me down” a colleague seemed worried! “We had a heated discussion. At the end he’s still unhappy on what I said. It’s going to affect my rating for sure” he was upset.
A lady whom I know is quite calm and shy. Since she talks less, she looks mean. The first complaint that her mother in law raised on her was that she does not greet guests at home. Her style of greeting was a smile and her mother in laws style was joining hands. Whenever any guest arrived, the daughter in law stood up and smiled. Would this be considered rude? What brought in difference of opinion here?
My friend often complained that I bought too many things while going to a super market whereas she usually buys lesser things. Now while checking on her what she bought, I understood that she buys grocery needed for ten days. I always bought groceries for one month and didn’t have to go to the supermarket every ten days. Looking at this situation, is there a right or a wrong way?
Multiple other instances now..
“She has a baby in her thirties” uttered her in a sarcastic tone. “She works leaving away her baby. How selfish and money minded” continued she. “She is just at home after being so highly qualified. She wasted her education” cursed another.
“He is not pleasant at all. What a cruel dad he must be!” exclaimed he. “He pampers his daughter too much. I’m sure she’s going to be a spoil sport” laughed he.
Having seen these situations multiple times made me think. How many times had I been in such situations? How many times had I an argument? How many times did I feel stressed and low after such conversations? Many!
When I carefully try to bring up those conversations in mind, it clearly shows that we humans feel our way is the best way and try to enforce the same in others. When we’re not successful enforcing our thoughts to others, we get into a conflicting situation. We try to prove to them that we’re right and get into such arguments. This is from one side.
Now let’s analyse a situation where we’re a listener. We tend to listen to others situations and then give them a solution or advice from our experience. We look at the situation again from our perspective and often tell them our way. We fail to understand their methods. Later when we talk about this situation to others, we start criticising and giving reasons why the second person failed.
The mother in law and daughter in law didn’t understand each other’s perspective. If the mother in law understood the daughter in laws pain to finish cooking chores in the busy morning, she would’ve accepted the daughter in laws decision to cook at night. If the daughter in law understood that the concern was to have proper lunch than just a tiffin, she would’ve made an alternate arrangement. But both were just engrossed in the argument which solves nothing.
If the manager understood the concern of the employee, he’d not enforce his thoughts. If the employee understood that the manager is under pressure of resources, he would try to make a compromise. Unfortunately both tried to enforce what they wanted and got into a conflict.
If the mother in law respected her daughter in laws way of greeting, there is no reason for a complaint at the first step. The mother in law didn’t understand the individuality of the daughter in law but tried to enforce her way of greeting.
In the supermarket situation, neither of us were wrong. We just practised what feels right and convenient for us. My friends statements always seemed as if I was over spending and she was saving. Well, even if that was so, it’s just a matter of style. Earlier I always got into an argument with her in such situations trying to explain myself and proving I was right. Now I just smile and move on.
A lady having a kid late may have her own reasons and situations. We don’t know her life to comment on the same! Likewise a lady working or not working changes on different situations and interests. Each one maybe right in her own way! A man seeming rude maybe a sweet and loving dad. We don’t know him on a role of a dad! Another ones way maybe teaching his kids all good deeds in a lovable way. We do not know the times he maybe strict to his kids.
Likewise in every situation we need to see what’s others choice and style and try to understand their perspective. This will bring in a peace of mind for ourselves than brooding over what’s right and what’s wrong. In fact we don’t have any authority to change others individuality.
What works well for one may not necessarily work well for the other. Hence we cannot argue that our way is the best way and suits for all situations.
Conflict often arises when we fail to understand that each person is an individual and has his or her own style of living. We stereotype people and their behaviour. We form a deep impression of them within ourselves and fail to understand they may also have their justification or reason of a different way of living.
If we start understanding this, there would be no unnecessary arguments or prejudices. A problem may have multiple methods of solving and ours is not just the right and only way! There is nothing always right and always wrong.
As you read, some may feel I’m right and some may feel I’m wrong. But actually it’s always right and wrong depending on people and situations 😊