The Mature Friendship

After a short break from routine, I packed my bags to get back to my nest. Boarding the bus, I smiled about the three decade memories I had collected over the last three days. How different have the days become? Friends from all phases of life and how they had played a major part in shaping me to what I am now.

Right from holding hands when we learnt to walk, playing ring a roses, crying for our moms together, the caring sharing lunch, bicycle rides, exam rivalry, answer sheet counts, crushes at college, blushes, tears over farewell, first job newbies, marriages, get togethers, holding our friends miniature for the first time, shoulders to cry, hugs, confessions, lateral new company mates, discussing kids, school and managers – many more still to come our way! We always had friends at every stage of life.

“All the worlds a stage and all men and women merely players;” Shakespeare reminded me of the seven stages one has to go through in his life; I smiled about the seven stage friendship that one experiences as well. Some of our friends remain with us throughout all stages and some enter and exit as time arrives and leaves.

Discussion on gender based friendship is not new in our society. However as life moves on, we slowly realise that gender doesn’t play a big role in friendship.

“How would you feel comfortable to speak your heart out or cry out to another gender friend?” questions that some of us have. Friendship connects us together and this bond forgets the language you speak or the gender you belong to. There is no way to lust or bad feelings in a friendship.

Maturity does not come with age or experience but rather comes with the way you approach things around you. A deep reflection, proper rationale and clear thoughts paves the way to a natural gut feeling about a person. Identifying a good friend by heart turns instantaneous and you get a comfy feeling with the person as a well wisher for you.

There is no competition, mistrust, jealousy, hidden truth, another face of you towards such friends. You are true to your heart and thoughts and able to communicate clearly without the fear of showing your true emotions to a real friend whom you trust.

As these points started to dissect my mind clearly, I smiled thinking of the friends of my life at every stage. My mind pondered about the great and hard times we had together. Until this moment that I try to separate as “male friends” and “female friends”, I never had this in my thoughts. I’m able to be the real me, clearly expressing my strengths and weaknesses to them; be open to counter them if they’re wrong; be open to take their critical feedback when I’m wrong; happy when they grow in life; happy to support them when they’re in need; open to tell them my challenges and seek help when in need!

“The secrets they share with me exposing their vulnerable traits remain with me and would get lost in my grave!” – this is what my mind tells me and that’s the same trust I have on them. Taking out my friends names in my mind, I smile fondly reflecting all the learnings I had from them.

It is said “A good book is a good friend” I feel the vice versa is true too. A good friend helps you reflect on yourself, good and bad and guides you through the dark tunnel. He’s not afraid to confront you when you’re wrong and lead you to the righteous path. Such friends understand that it’s often good to correct us and make us right in front of others rather than just being an ally when we’re wrong and put us down in front of the world. Blessed are us who have such friends who are honest and open too.

This moment think of your friends. Are you able to connect with them and speak yourself out openly? Are you happy seeing them happy? Are you unhappy seeing them unhappy? Do you just stop there by feeling unhappy when they’re down or do you take a step forward to help them by understanding what they are going through? That’s the degree of friendship you hold towards them.

Mature friendship is not about hanging out every weekend or monthly over dinner; it’s about heart to heart understanding with a view to help each other and make each other better. It’s a mutual trust over each other. It’s about telling them that you’re afraid of the dark, it’s about rejoicing when they reach their pinnacle of success, it’s about not giving up on them even when the whole world is against you. It doesn’t have to be told or expressed but rather understood without words.

Write down the names of friends in your life; are you able to be the real you with them? Be it male or female, they are your best friends. Without them, you are no one here! Matured friendship knows no gender! It is the purity of heart of a new born! Cherish memories, remain thankful for such friends.

Thanks to those lovely friends who taught me what life is and who have been with me through smooth and rugged roads. Without you, I’m no one here.