Deepavali eve. I was closing out my Business calls and after a long time was leaving office at 4 pm. As I wished “Happy Deepavali” to my friends and colleagues, I also mentioned about my “Tenth wedding anniversary” falling on the same day and smiled. Some of my friends commented “Our wishes to Guna for surviving you!” and I gladly said “Yes, it’s a medical miracle” 😉 “What’s special for anniversary? What’s the gift you are planning to give your hubby?” some of them questioned. With a smile in return, I waved good bye.
October 18, 2017 – A decade of living together. As I boarded my car, a time machine triggered my thoughts! A decade to ponder!
October 18, 2007 – Just out of college finishing my Engineering and working as a fresher in an IT company, I had yet another new phase in my life – my marriage. Guna, being a known face to me, as my beloved brother-in-law’s brother was also a good friend of mine. A friendly person who was always seen with a broad smile. After we joined hands, just like many others I had different expectations from this newly wedded life. The first meeting, the first conversation, the first telephonic call, the engagement, the wedding, first festival, first movie together – everything remains fresh and green in my mind. All those moments were exciting! Life was more of a fantasy and then came the reality!
Life was filled with funny moments, giggles, excitement, joy, sorrow, fights, arguments, difference of opinion, and tears. Variety of emotions much more than the emoticons we see in Whatsapp today! Contentment and Disappointments too – ironical, isn’t it?
My first pregnancy – I was just 23 and ignorant too. I hardly read the internet to understand the different trimesters or about the baby in my womb. I was working as usual with no thoughts of my pregnancy. But the moment Harshu was born was a magical moment! Guna’s first sight of Harshu and he trying to hold her hands – brings smile in my face even now – an expression from a much less expressive person!
We were both extremely opposite in nature. I was too emotional and sensitive whereas he was too casual and hardly expressed emotions! I got angry everytime I expected him to express his emotions or talk about that! I was not sure if this was a typical woman-man thing! There were ups and downs, fights and disasters too.
Slowly after about 3-4 years, I started having a different outlook towards our life. We were both engrossed into our work and career. Life moved on and years too. As years passed by, there were very little fights or arguments. Funny conversations continued still. Maturity comes with age and experience and so did I experience that. Expectation to change each other is a monster. This is a great mistake that each of us make. When we ourselves cannot change, how can we expect to change someone? Each one of us are individuals and we need to respect our nature and accept it. We understand this with years.
While my mind ponders to a decade back – how much have I changed from the kiddish, stubborn Subha? I am still stubborn in my own ways! However I have come out of the fantasy that I was in ten years back. I am living my reality. Probably my expectation was just words in the beginning and what my man knew was actions. I was poor in understanding this. Looking back how well we have managed our family since ten years with little support from others, truly makes me proud. He respects my passion and career desires and so do I. Probably we never exchanged gifts or words but just lived. Helping me take care of my career and supporting me in upbringing my daughter, sharing activities at home was his love language.
How many times have I sought his advice as a mentor on Business situations or work place issues! Funny that everytime in such conversations, he would never be nice to me but only mean. On the other hand, he taught me harsh reality and convinced me to accept the situation as it is and think of how to overcome the challenges. Did I ever give a word of appreciation or atleast expressed my gratitude? Never. But I had mentioned about he being my mentor to some of my friends.
Relationship is not about just expressing love for each other face to face or pampering each other. It is way beyond that! Reading words and expressions through actions is much more important and I understood that. While these words come from me, I am remembering my grandparents. Have they ever expressed their love towards each other in words or gifts – I doubt. But the extent of care my grandma shows for my grandpa truly shows that and vice versa. Lovely couple like whom I wish to be in future!
Life is not about explaining what you are in Facebook, twitter or Whatsapp! It is not about trips together, value of gifts, posh dinner or status in the society! Love and life that is dependent on these is just a fools paradise. If the essence of relationship is well understood, trying to read expressions and love through actions – every relationship would look beautiful. If there are hundred reasons to complain on each other, and we still live together, I am sure there are thousand reasons to love each other. The best gift that I have received this decade is this understanding in life! A decade worth to ponder!