Dear Son,
You had been listening to me from my womb. You have traveled with me everywhere – to work, on business trips, personal trips, and heard me talk to people. You have heard challenging questions people asked when you were still within me and heard my answers too. Amma was with you all the time and now you are half a year old.
Slowly the time has approached that I need to be away from you for nearly 12 hours a day. Many of them pity you but I trust you understand me. I go through thick and thin and no words can express what I feel! “Quitting your job is easy!” says one, “my career aspiration” knows none!
My mind rewinds eight years back when I was in the same situation as today. Your sister has grown up seeing me work all day long. I remember she imitating me with her toy laptop sitting next to me while I work from home. When I have my headphones on, and Zooie barks, she would say “Shhhh Zooie! Amma meeting”. I was only happy that she was becoming responsible.
Whenever a girl is born, people say it brings in more responsibilities to the parents as she must be taught to support her family and get a good name in the society. “Growing up a boy is easier” our society thinks. That’s why people are inclined towards having a son. The way I see this differs after all the challenges, I am going through.
“Amma, it seems people killed girl babies in the past because they were considered not valuable. My social science teacher told. Is that true?” your sister asked. I nodded “Yes”. “But you are a woman and wake up early in the morning, cook for me, get me ready to school and then go to work”. She continued, “You also come late but prepare dinner for us. You work and daddy works too. Girls do home work and office work whereas most boys do only office work. Then how can girls be considered less important?” she asked and I smiled.
Your sister has already learnt a lot and I worry less raising her. She will be a bold woman who knows to stand up for her.
You will see, mom cooking in the morning, while your dad dresses you up to school. You will see, mom leaving to work early and dad dropping you to school. While your dad is away from home, I take his role too. While your mom is away from home, your dad takes my role too. Your dad and I may hardly have time together for each other, but we make sure you and your sister will always have us with you! You would see us adjust our work schedules and time for you! That’s parenting!
Your dad is now on a Business trip and you see I still manage you both and my work too! You will also see me on a Business trip and your dad managing home at times. I am a father when he’s not around and he’s a mother when I’m not around. So does the world laugh or pity, we will only be deaf to the voices around. It’s a mutual understanding that binds us together as a family, not just gifts and words!
The world wouldn’t question while a dad leaves for Business but would question when a mom does. The same world wouldn’t question while a mom takes care of children but would question or laugh if a dad does. Ironical! No gender is spared by these gender prejudices!
In the beginning, you would not know what I am talking about. Slowly when you grow, the society would influence you with a “typical man and woman thing!”
On a recent conversation, one remarked “Women don’t have to take personal challenges. No one asks them to take it. They can look after the family and step down for a few years!”
Another person asked me how am I going back to work. When I explained that I get support from your dad, a sarcastic question was put onto me “Just curious to know what does your husband do?”. I answered “My husband is a perfect gentleman who understands that raising a child brings in equal responsibilities to a father as of a mother. He respects my career and passion and so do I. He is shining on his professional career as an employee and also as a lovely dad for my kids!”
You would know that Dhoni lifting his daughter leaving the IPL cup behind and sharing the Frooti with her was a trending news but other fathers would be looked down while they raise up their kids! Hats off to Dhoni for being a great father! I’m a big fan of him but I pity people do not understand the essence he conveys of being a dad!
With all the talks, comments and criticism I hear, I feel I have too much responsibilities raising you than your sister.
Be the man who fondly protects his sister – your sister would have desires as you. Do not shut her down for being a woman!
Be the man who loves his wife – with love comes respect! Respect towards her likes and dislikes, passion and interests.
Be the man who is a great father – know to balance work and home like your dad. Do not think your responsibility ends only in earning.
Be the man who is a good peer for his team mate – understand that there are no “Man-Woman” things at work and all are equal. Do not look down on a woman that she is weak because she has a family to care about. Do not look down on a man who helps his woman.
Be the man who is a good friend – have empathy towards people and their situations. If you can’t, then please remain quiet. Do not indulge in black humor or sarcasm.
Be the man who is a good leader and turn down gender bias. Do not use “Diversity and Women empowerment” just in words!
Above all, understand, manliness is not something you get by birth. It is what you gain based on how you treat people around you. Remember male chauvinism would only prove that you are not a gentleman! Gender prejudices affects both genders – so just break it!
With love
Amma