Contradicting Proverbs and People!

The Face is the Index of the Mind!

This is a known saying. I do not feel this proverb holds well in today’s world. People who are extremely lovable, kind hearted and caring are often also very sensitive. Such people may not be able to tolerate or face the acts of betrayal by the person they trust. It was in ancient days that people were straight forward and their faces were their indices of their minds. People could identify the characteristics of a person merely by looking at their faces. In fact, even the people with worst hearts or nature weren’t putting on a fake mask but exhibited their true colors directly.

If this is one of the renowned proverbs, another says “All that glitters is not gold”. Doesn’t this seem quite contradictory to the previous proverb? This explicitly says “do not go by faces – They maybe fake”.

If this was yet another proverb, another one is still of a different kind. “A rose is beautiful – But beware of its thorns”. Does this mean that the rose is struggling amongst the thorns, yet growing beautifully or does this mean that the rose may look beautiful but would prick you and that’s its true color?

Pondering on these points, my mind rewinds to the past memories.

Almost all relatives, near or distant would stay at our home when they visit Chennai. One among them was Suruttu Thaatha (meaning grandpa in Tamil). I still remember that I was in Kindergarten and he used to fondly smile at me whenever he came home. I’d long for him to get me a toy but in vain. Once I asked my mom, “Amma, will this thaatha get me a toy?”. Mom was puzzled. She asked me the reason and I instantaneously replied “He smiles at me and hence he would like me. Will he not get a toy for me then?”. Mom just smiled and told me that I can ask her if I needed anything. I was still puzzled was it not true that someone who smiles at you likes you?? I continued waiting for the toy every time and was only disappointed.

Next incident that my mind wandered to was in High school. There was an English teacher who was always made a laughing stock. In fact, none had respect for her nor felt she was a good teacher. Above all, people would call her class a boring and sleepy class. Maybe it was a prejudice set upon her by our seniors and it kept on passing year by year. It was day one of her class and she taught degrees of comparison. It still remains fresh in my mind that I taught my maid’s daughter for her 10^th exams. It was in her class that I wrote my first essay on “If you have a rebirth, what would you like to be born as?”. She was the first person to give her comments as follows and encouraged me.

Dear Child,
I honor your thinking and writing. The very thought of helping others made me feel amazing. I dedicate my knowledge and wisdom to your simplicity. God Bless!

I’d be really happy if I could meet her sometime in my life. She was the one who taught grammar and literature with full passion. I never felt her classes boring, rather they interested me. Why was it that she was given such a name then? Why was it that people made fun of her teaching? Truly speaking, if one listened to her with full attention, definitely they’d say she was a Master of Teachers. Maybe her face never revealed that she was the Brilliant Teacher?

Next comes the college phase. I sometimes feel how stupid were I. There have been people treating me as a laughing stock too. Why did I think it was a friendly or a healthy relationship? There were people, who were equally looking strict and reserved. Though I had a very limited conversation with them, they seem to still be friends and my true well-wishers. Why did I ever feel people smiling at me were friends??

Next phase in life was marriage. Maybe, being an extremely sensitive and lovable person, I yielded to everyone who merely smiled thinking they were truly exhibiting their care and affection. In fact, there were times when I felt that people are all lovable and affectionate to one another. Maybe it took seven years for me to start realizing that not all smiles were true nor were their love. Each circumstance and situation made me feel that people wore different masks in front of different people. I started feeling bad and down seeing people’s real faces. Both in personal and professional lives. This made me reach a state where I felt I should no longer trust anyone.

I am generally a straight forward person and openly communicate on what I feel. Maybe I felt everyone would be the same.

My mind questioned me, “Why is it people show fake faces? Why are people betraying? Why was it that the good teacher was treated badly? Why is it that people don’t exhibit a true THEMSELVES? Do people love only false faces and hurt those who are true?” My mind was continuously disturbed and I didn’t have any inner peace.

Then my mind digested all this and calmed down. It told me “Though many people didn’t like the teacher, she still was responsible and taught the students. She did not worry what people thought about her. So continue doing your duties and be least worried whether people like you or not. Whether others like or not, continue being real faced and teach your future generations to be true as well”. I felt relaxed.

My husband’s friend came home and left. After he left Harshu asked me, “Amma, will that uncle get chocolate for me?”. When asked the reason, she said “he smiled at me and so it means he likes me”. I smiled and told her, “Ask me if you need something” pondering she too will grow up one fine day. My mind told me that I should grow her up to show only true faces and also make her ready to face fake faced people rather than crying or getting emotional like me. Maybe this is one of the reasons I’m writing down whatever comes to my mind, hoping she would read one fine day.

Let the Face not be an index of Mind. But if there is an index, let it not be misleading!