Ego – Is it required??

Frankness and simplicity is quite rare to be found together. But when these traits are found together in a person, I greatly admire such personalities. A man of virtues (I do not refer Man as the male gender but Mankind as a whole here) does exhibit some negative Qualities, as well. Most common trait found almost in the entire race of Homo sapiens is EGO. We often come across various quotes on Ego. To cite a few,

Ego is the only requirement to spoil any relationship

Relationship never dies a natural death. They are murdered by Ego, ignorance and Attitude

Leave Ego. Otherwise everyone else would leave you!!

The above quotes are quite simple to understand. Our human brains would have well interpreted them by now. However, how many of us could daringly raise our hands to say we do not exhibit this Quality at all?? You may feel that it’s nothing new you’re reading here. As usual, the same old story holds good here. Life is short, why complicate?? Why do we spoil relationships by showing off that we do have our own ego?? Why don’t we step down to make a relationship better?? But this is not about all that.

I was pondering certain incidents that happened to me in my personal and professional life. As I understand, I’m an extremely sensitive, emotional woman (As I understand myself). I have rather changed a lot over years. I was one of the calmest person during my primary school, then became quite outspoken (in fact talkative too) during my college days. As years passed by, experiencing life’s various phases, my personality has been changing. However that one personality kept on existing within me. Friendliness, I’d say. I do not know if this trait of mine has made me succeed or fail. Considerably, I’d say that I have definitely won many gems of my life, who are valuable and precious. However, has that one trait made me fall many times too?? Am I taken for GRANTED in my personal and professional life?

Do people look to that trait as “friendliness” or do they consider it as “foolishness”. Rather, I’d say, people feel that I do not have self-respect or self-dignity. To all those, who mistook my friendly personality as “lack of self-dignity”, I’d like to wave a big goodbye. My parents often say that we need to give up to promote a healthy relationship. And those words built in that FRIENDLY nature in me from childhood. But then, when I was assessing myself, for my extreme sensitivity, I well understand that it’s that trait which makes me extremely sensitive and stressed, when someone betrays me.

Ego is definitely required to a certain extent I’d say. People reading this may criticize or laugh over this sentence of mine. However, I’d like to express that “EGO is like salt. Too much of that will spoil the dish. However, a pinch of it is definitely required in life”. It’s true that relationships get better by giving up. But when we are too friendly and give up always, people treat you only as fools. People try to use and extract what is required from you and throw you. Is that relationship worth enough for you to give up your self-respect every time?

Once upon a time, there were a few friends (or friend) whom I considered important. I gave up everything for them, though I started knowing their traits started changing (or rather I started understanding their real personalities). Each time, I tried to renew the relationship, but they never seemed to care about it. Even up to recent times, I struggled a lot to keep that relationship alive. But, my mind asked me a simple question. “Are they really worth your effort? If so, when you had put in that 99% effort to renew the relationship, why don’t they even take a 1% step to renew it? Do you lack self-dignity to fall down each time?”  My mind was continuously questioning me, that I felt like a Cat on the Wall. I either needed to lose my self-dignity and fall on their side, or I needed to give up their friendship/relationship and had to fall on my side of self-respect.

At the age of 28, I finally understood, that I’m a grown up and definitely need to have my own self dignity. But still, a dilemma arose within my inner consciousness, as well. “Friendship sees no ego. Then why did I choose ego here?” There, I got the answer. There is a marginal difference between friendliness and ego. Self-respect lies between these. In a friendly relationship (or maybe any relationship), both the sides have to let go of their ego go to maintain the relationship or to even build it. However, if it is going to be a one side sacrifice, then it would create an issue of self-respect within individuals, which I faced. Why do I need to feel stressed when the other person did not understand my nature? Rather than, if there was an issue, which the other person saw, (s)he could’ve told me frankly what was the issue and got sorted out (if their intention was to keep the relationship alive).

Personally or professionally, we are forced to give up some of our good traits at some point of time. However, I understand it’s not giving up good traits, but keeping our traits within limits and at the same time not losing our self-respect. After all, we need to treat us with care first. Our minds can only be the best medicine for us. I don’t mean to say to be selfish, but we need to give time and respect for ourselves.

Never spend too much time giving up for others all the time and ruin your own life. Let no one exploit the goodness in you. However, do value the real friends and well-wishers. They are worth your time and life!! Thank those people, who did not value you, for making you understand you need self respect!!