5:30 am – I started with my lesser routine and was ready by 6:30 am. Thanking the lesser traffic, I entered office at 7:15 am. After quite some regular activities and passionate writing tasks for an event, I was all set to go home by 4:45 pm.
Checked for an uber – unsuccessful; ola – unsuccessful; I decided to take the ride later option and wait an hour. Ola accepted the booking for 6:45 pm and I decided to wait. Catching up with some colleagues from the previous department and finishing some tasks, the clock ticked 6:40 pm. Still no booking confirmation. Waited until 7 to see the cancelation note – yet another denial!
My friend Jagan tried a lot from his mobile in parallel to me and we laughed at each other. I smiled at the security person who walked onto the floor and smiled at me – a warning that I need to leave office as it’s 7:45 pm – company policy. I slowly walked down looking at my mobile to continue the booking and was five minutes late. Making an entry at the register since I was late, I moved out. The next half an hour was at the streets looking for an auto or cab.
“Hi Subha. How are you?” a colleague smiled at me. “I’m good, thanks. And you?” I asked. “Good too, looking for something?” “Uber!” I smiled. “Where are you going to?” “HRBR” “You can join me. I’m going that way and I’m from the same company. So you’re safe” he smiled. I said thanks and joined him.
“My girl friend is a fan of yours” he mentioned and I was puzzled. “Last night we spoke about you and your blogs. How positive! How do you get time to balance between home, two kids, office and writing” – I was surprised to hear this. As we got into the car, he mentioned “Can I call my girl friend so that you can talk? She will feel happy. She reads every blog of yours and we discuss. Last night we spoke a lot about you and your thoughts. I wanted to write an email to you on how positive your blogs are. I never imagined we meet today and I have a chance to talk to you” – I couldn’t believe what he said.
“Hey I’m privileged to hear your comments. Thank you. Yes, I’ll be happy to talk to her” I said. “Hello Rekha. Subha is here” he said and the very next moment she mentioned “Hi Subha. I follow every post of yours. Last night we were speaking a lot about you!” I was speechless. “Do you believe me now” Hari asked.
It was 8:30 pm already. Traffic moved inch by inch and we were just a kilometer away from Phoenix market city. We spoke on depression, how it takes a toll on our health, immunity, emotions, disturbance on daily activities and how to overcome those. Simple inspiration and motivation around us that reminds us there is a reason to smile; childish us while we stick to emotions; unable to detach from friends; one side friendship and feeling of rejection; emotional instability while we get hurt and still more. Little did we realise that we were just one km ahead of Phoenix market city even after an hour.
We spoke about relationships, how do people differ from each other, feeling left out, arguments and Cold War, ego etc. Rekha gave me typical instances how she’d react and feel hurt with her inner conflicts. She was asking me all the questions that I did have a lot of times and I tried answering her how I looked at it. Professional traits and personal traits of people, the influence behind them, cultural changes, foundation was something we discussed too.
I saw a replica of me in her that I was a decade back. Typical feeling of insecurity, unfriendliness, unwelcome feeling, guilt, rejection and what not! We discussed on how to not sink over it but rather push ourselves out of all that messy thoughts!
I did mention about the acceptance of the fact “sometimes it’s ok to be not ok!” I also mentioned that how we need to be tough to ourselves at times condemning ourselves from getting pulled into negativity. We need to take strict actions to come out of that state and find reasons to smile and move on. Life cannot be a fairy tale with a happy ending ever after but rather needs an acceptance with all flaws.
We also spoke about the art of understanding our own flaws and putting in conscious efforts to correct ourselves which is a baby step towards self awareness. We also spoke about breaking the stigma of depression and mental health and hygiene which is the need of the hour.
She was open in discussing what she was going through and also trying to understand my journey and my past how did I tackle things. She was very detail in explaining what I wrote in my blogs and I was really surprised that someone could remember my old posts as well to that minute level!
“I wanted to ping you or email you many times to say thanks for inspiring us with your blogs. But I was hesitant to approach you as I didn’t have a personal connect with you. Looks like today was meant to be the day and that’s why we met. Rekha is going through a lot of stress and gets more positive after reading your posts and we discuss in detail about your blogs. I’m happy that I had a chance to drop you and discuss all what we are going through. Thanks a lot for your time and hope we didn’t disturb you” – I was moved completely by his words. Doesn’t this ring a bell in my mind?
“We should meet sometime” it was Rekha over the call. “Yes for sure; Stay positive and move on. Your life is and will be bright!” I wished them as I got down from the car. “Thanks to Bangalore traffic for giving us 2.5 hours for talking to you” Hari smiled. “Can I share this experience in my blog tonight?” I asked. “Gladly” he waved.
As I settled for dinner, a stream of thoughts were flowing within me. Why didn’t I get a cab since two hours? Why didn’t I get my friend today? What was that going through my mind since a week?
While someone could find your company disturbing, there is someone else who is looking for you. While someone could feel your thoughts boring, there is someone else happy to hear the motivation. While someone makes you feel rejected, there is someone who includes you as their inner circle without even you asking.
There is nothing wrong in feeling emotionally down. But it’s absolutely wrong to hurt yourself by these overflowing emotions and stay in darkness. Trust your gut feeling about someone when you want to share what you’re going through. Sometimes even a simple smile and a hello paves the way for a positive thought of feeling included.
Speak out what you feel, ask for help, opinions and exchange experiences. Our experience sharing makes a big difference to the society. It gives a reassurance to the affected individuals that they’re not left alone. It’s a feeling of rejection and loneliness that makes people depressed.
Like I always say “There shouldn’t be anyone in this world having no one.”
Holding hands, listening ears, speaking hearts, virtual hugs is all that is needed at times!
Thanks to the meaningful denial from ola, uber, Bangalore traffic and the three hour journey! Sixteen hours didn’t make me tired rather gave me a food for thought tonight!