“Non stop talking, friendly, excited” while this is one side of me, “calm, pondering, in solitude” this is the other side of me. An extro-introvert – should I say?
After a year I have gone home although it’s just 300 kms away – this is quite unusual! Remembering weekly trips to Chennai when Guna sarcastically commented “you’re married now and still want to go home weekly”. Not that I’ve become distant now but the hurry burry life with two kids make me do nothing but just rest for the weekend!
Three weeks of Business trip missing my kids and here I am to meet them at my moms home. After spending a day and a half, I boarded my bus back to Bangalore to start my routine from tomorrow. Here I am – stretching my arms and legs in the single berth shutting down the curtains around – my little space.
It’s been many years since I’ve traveled alone as Harshu had always been my companion. Enjoying her holidays with her favourite cousin, she waved bye to me. I took my ear phones out, and quickly put them back. A couple of hours just pondering the last couple of weeks – the experiences – good and bad made me smile.
I looked at the “Depression and anxiety” support group and answered quite some questions after many days. I glanced at my books and smiled at the experiences they teach me. I looked through the window only to realise the speed of the bus that’s still not as fast as the speed of our lives.
I read my last posted articles over a week – my writings from the lobby, from the plane, from the bus. Happy to see just a few errors ; happier to see my true reflections. My one shot writing that brings out my moods is pure and true and reading that after a couple of days brings in freshness to my mind.
I smiled at my reflection. Happy that I didn’t have a need to fake myself. Positive or negative, happy or sad – that’s me in my writings!
Just one call from office, a simple office text to prepare for the next day and no further calls nor texts. I closed my eyes and the picturesque view of the weekend trip made me write. I wrote and wrote – did I realise the time? I smiled at my experiences and learnings from the trip. As I posted, “Streak – three days in a row” exclaimed WordPress. I smiled.
I found the lost myself. Did I understand myself? What’s my joy? My reflection in my writing. Missing writing was missing a major part of me. Yes, I smiled. I found my lost love. Amateur maybe but it’s just my little space, my little wonder and little joy!
I remembered the tenth standard competition with eight hours of continuous spontaneous writing. I wrote and wrote and found joy even in the pain of my trembling hands. I remembered the whole night writing that made me joyous. I remembered my challenge of writing a post on the most stressful day to bring back myself. I found myself again!
Four hours didn’t seem to be. The introvert within me is waking up. An intriguing story of myself within me. I’m uncovering the other side of myself.
“I feel lonely in the crowd. I feel depressed. I’m only happy while I’m sleeping as that’s the only time I’m not thinking. Any suggestions?” – this was the question from a lady in the “Depression and anxiety” support group to which I answered.
“Solitude is not a pain. Uncover yourself, find your passion and follow it. Do little things that you love. Spend time for yourself and do not cling to others for your happiness. Love yourself and realise that life is beautiful” was my answer.
“This is not only an answer to someone but also to myself” I smiled.
With just a couple of hours left to reach Bangalore, this little space, my reflection and putting them to words made me ready to the second phase of my routine! Should I be thankful for my me-me time that made me realise what I need? My writing and my reflection – that’s all I need!
