“Still twenty minutes to reach – the map says” Arun mentioned. 2015 project memories, the hurdles we saw then and today’s transformation, friends, college days, marriage and so on – our general friendly talks. “Your stop arrived” he mentioned and I was in a hurry to get down. I woke up from my dreams to see it was 4:30 am. I got off boarded from my sleep. My mind alarm always takes me through a funny series and I would wake up before my phone alarm rings. My usual alarm time was 5:30 but after my second delivery my mind alarm has tuned itself for 4:30.
Opening the balcony, I saw a road light lit view penetrating through the pitch darkness of the street. The beauty of darkness and solitude – should I say? As usual my Cherry and Zooie accompanied me to the balcony to bark to break the silence. I closed the door and splashed a handful of cold water on my face for a fresh start.
“Kannan vandhan” was first on my playlist and I smiled. Veggies on the stove and rice was doing a deep dive in the cold basin. Strong coffee triggered my senses as I was reading an article. Today’s topic was “reassurance” and I did laugh at the situation I was dealing with. Idly batter was getting better with the room temperature and I had to heat her to make her raise to form. She was adapting to the extreme climates – freezing cold in the fridge to scorching heat of the stove – “how flexible is she!” I smiled. Veggies got cooked and were ready to enter their cubicles – the tiffin boxes. Rice was getting late like my husband returning from office. Sambar made it to the table on time like my German leads.
A shower to refresh and agarbathi to bring in divinity. The clock ticked 6:30 and “Harshu” I called out. As good as an auction call “Harshu 1; Harshu 2 and Harshu 3” – a fast competitor wanted to get the bid and “wah wah wah” – it was Pranav. “You aren’t going to school or office” I uttered and smiled. He stretched his arms and was impatient while I prepared his bottle. I took him on my shoulders and “Harshu” I screamed. “2 more mins” she said. “Harshu!” it was Guna this time and in a second she was in the bathroom.
He picked our baby from me as I returned to my territory to finish my unfinished tasks. As good as passengers waiting for the bus, the lunch bags waited for us at the table. Gulping some breakfast, I was filling the water bottles on the other hand. Harshu ran between rooms to find her thrown away shoes and belt and heard the chantings from me as usual. Pranav crawling all across the floor ran to pick the ant and Guna pulled him back. Cherry and Zooie knew the normal flow and gave a damn look. “Amma, I’m done” she said.. “oh the Hindi book. Just a second!” I laughed. “Just one left in the list as we leave?” I awed. All plans still have unfinished tasks in the morning and one left is great!
“Bye bye Appa; Bye bye Pranav” we walked together to the main road. My auto arrived before her bus could. In a minute, the bus arrived and she boarded with a smile and waved at me. Entering the auto, I pondered about the day ahead. After nine hours in office and 1.5 hours of travel, I’d reach home by 7 pm. Spending some time with my kids, I’d be set to prepare dinner. Finishing the last set of chores the clock would tick 10pm when Guna arrives. Time flies by the blink of the eye.
Routine seems boring at times but what is life without this. There are days where your mind feels “what a mechanical life” and you scream out. There are days when you pick up a big quarrel at home. There are days when I get mad at myself too. I remember my similar post “from a working woman’s heart” where I wrote about a working woman’s routines and feelings towards the society and criticism. I no longer try to explain myself.
Despite all the ups and downs, what’s the change that I believe I have made? Outlook of things? Maybe! Enjoying every stress? Maybe! Finding the blessing in solitude? Maybe. This is my ten years challenge!
I look around – my dedicated baby sitter who came running early in the morning since I requested her for an emergency. Women rushing with kids towards school and waiting at the bus stop looking at their watches. Not to mention the men who have a heavy laptop bag with one kid in front and the other behind – in a hurry.
While these situations are unavoidable, the only thing you can do it is approach it with the brighter view. It’s ok to be down at times but don’t let it pull you down further. Find out how to make life interesting. Cooking with music on makes you feel light. Brooding over not getting enough time doesn’t change things. Fit in your interests within the little things you do.
Above all, do not indulge in self pity. It causes lot of harm to your mental well being. Speak out to yourself, write down your thoughts and feelings and review it after a day. You’d smile. Review experiences after a year, you’d laugh. Review your life after ten years, you’d giggle. That’s life. Things appearing monstrous now will become petty things as you move on.
My office arrived and I’m energetically recharged. Looking forward to read my experiences to my daughter this evening. Another review of a day during my auto journey!